Days 15-19 – a whirlwind

20 September, 2010

So many things have happened in the last few days, friends, I needed to come here and share (in summary, because I KNOW, I just KNOW I’ve been naughty)

  • One of the most beautiful funerals I’ve ever been to
  • A sailing course (Yes!!! I learned to sail a boat! “why?” you may ask, “because it’s OUT there!” – plus I really love being on the water and I wanted to learn a sustainable way to enjoy it)
  • A minor fender-bender (coming home from aforementioned sailing course) and the weird feeling coming from that
  • Hearing that a dear friend who’s been battling metastatic cancer is going through a bad patch – I’m thinking of love, the breath and yellow (lemon) Skittles – don’t ask – to get me through THAT one
  • Challenges at the office – not just for me – but no man is an island, not matter WHAT Simon and Garfunkel say – so it’s been rough
  • Not enough sleep
  • The weird ability to demonstrate every pose I teach really well, and then have those very same asanas whoop my behind in daily practise (who HASN’T gone through this?)
  • Being afraid to stand up from a backbend – I can drop back and am working to control it better, but coming up? Oy vey!
  • Tonsillitis
  • Confusion over whether I can really given my heart to someone.
  • Performance anxiety (not what YOU’RE thinking, it’s innocent) – I was asked to do a yoga demonstration at an event and aside from being sick (tonsillitis) and injured (knee), I was terrified and panicked and RAN. More on this, don’t let me forget it, please!

Right through the whole thing, the practice has been there, a constant, the lighthouse gleaming at times brightly, at times faintly, during the tempest, the calm in the midst of a whirlwind in 5 days. I’m tired, sore, emotional, distracted, a bit blurry….but ever more grateful that this practice has found me, a moving meditation, a place to talk with God, a physical unlocking of doors when I don’t always have the key, a laboratory in a 71″x 24″ x 3/16″ space. For this I am, as always, thankful with all my heart

So the practice is work….that’s OK…after all, it is the Prophet who says “Work is love made visible”

More tomorrow!

SWWW

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4 Responses to “Days 15-19 – a whirlwind”

  1. I'll say this..it's definitely a work in progress. This time I beat myself, maybe next time I'll shine more.

  2. Nicole said

    It's surprising that you would feel a little insecure about doing a yoga demonstration, when you have deonstrated all poses that were ever taught in your classes. You are a well respected yoga teacher, and i think the feeling of looking stupid and clumsy comes from within.Rejection is never a nice feeling, but its frequently there on our path to success. If you get knocked down, the challenge is therefore to pick yourself up and keep moving. How do we find such courage? Hmmm, I thought for sure it would have been found with yoga…

  3. @CreditYes, that's exactly why. Rejection is a huge scary thing for me, in the past (and sometimes even now) I have backed away from opportunities where I could shine…most recently, last weekend I was asked to do a yoga demonstration, and while it's true that I'm injured and not as my most limber and strong, I was more afraid they would think I looked stupid and clumsy, because that is how I felt, no matter how graceful and strong people say my practice has become…truly, it is the risk of vulnerability, in asana and in life that is my greatest stumbling block…now, now that I KNOW that, what do I do to have the courage to leap?

  4. I really appreciate that you are sharing such personal and intimate parts of your life. When you say you are not sure you can give your heart to someone, is it because you are afraid that they may hurt you?

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