Inertia

6 November, 2010

I need to write. I need to say something. Anything…

I cannot remember the last time I did my full practice. I miss it and need it and yet I struggle to get out of bed most mornings. is this depression, or inertia?

 

I’m not living the life I want. I want to travel, and write, and cook, and sail and practise and teach yoga and talk about sustainable life in all its forms, yet I feel stuck, like I’m doing what I’m supposed to do for my gender and age and to fit in among my contemporaries…is this cowardice or inertia?

 

I have a hard time feeling like i belong. I love my country, but feel i stand on the outside of my people, I’m different and I don’t mind being so, but I mind this isolated feeling…tell me this will pass soon

 

I thirst for a partner, a companion, a man who will stand WITH me, honour me and love all OF me…do my dreams stand too tall?

 

I search for an expression of my spirituality. Converted Catholic. loves her rosary. sees Christ’s love in ALL things. struggles with the Catholic church. Straight ally. Buddhist tendencies. Yoga devotee. knows that interfaith understanding is the only way…say that we can create this reality

 

My hip is tight, my knee injured and my ankle is sore…I long for the days of lotus without pain and standing up from a backbend through the fear – but I have to get back on the mat, don’t I? what am i afraid of – is it success or failure?

 

I believe in awareness and activism and the ideas swirl in my head. Sustainable approaches to health, agriculture and entrepreneurship. Community. Environment. Social Policy. National and regional unity and integration….how do I deliver on my dreams?

 

This is an open letter. I am private, but I need help, this Libran swings too wildly on her scales, I need balance

 

I want to let go of fearing loss, so that I do NOT lose

 

 

help, please

swww

 

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One Response to “Inertia”

  1. I, 100% relate to every single word. Wow.

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