Day 29 – “Expect nothing, except…”
26 January, 2012
“To breathe, let go and somewhere in there, the yoga will take over”. Woke up sick again today, and again I told myself “just practice, you’ll be fine, the practice might look to be a hugely external thing, but the REAL transformation happens inside you, and usually once you’re OFF the mat”…
And so it was, on my last day of Self-practice class (I agree it sounds silly to say “Mysore-style” if you’re actually IN Mysore), that I sat waiting on my turn to practice, quietly watching the students flow through their postures, here in this corner was a Japanese guy practicing Intermediate (hugely misleading description, this stuff is amazingly challenging), over there was an older gentleman working through his Primary series, and there are students of every nationalily, ethnicity and creed, moving each one independently, and yet sharing the space and the energy of the shala, the teachers and the assistants. When I was finally at the ‘front of the line’, I said to myself “I don’t want the front row, I just want to do my practice quietly and go”, of course that meant that when Sharath called out “one more! You come” my place was there magically at the front of the room. Yay me! Expect nothing, right?
I giggled to myself, and then started, and then the practice took over, and it felt really good, even the postures where I tend to slow down and not flow so smoothly,I felt strong and open, and so grateful. Such a bittersweet feeling, just finding my own rhythm here in Gokulam, on the mat and off, and now I have to leave it. It made me think how easy it is to become attached to a so-called ideal situation – being here in Mysore means I can focus totally on practising and building a life around deepening my understanding and living of yoga philosophy, I’m a student, I don’t work her, it’s so seductive – it would be so easy, right? But the point of the practice is for it to become a part of your everyday, in the middle of the assignment you need to hand in, the bills that need paying, my real life. And the magic is, I can take it with me, being here has made me feel a faith in myself I didn’t have before, not even as a teacher at home, now as a student connecting with her newest teacher, in the birthplace of yoga as I understand it. And that is a tremendous feeling. And I’m excited to get on the mat against in Kingston town.
Speaking of teachers, I stood up from my 3rd wheel pose to find Sharath standing there, dropped back, stood up and said “Sharath, this is my last week here and I want to tell you ‘Thank You'”, he graciously said “thank you” in return, then watched me do two more drop backs (how are my back muscles not sore now? 🙂 ) and then he said “one month not enough”, I said “I’m coming back next year”, he said “3 months next time”, I was like “eeeeem, 2 months”, he laughed and said “3”, we (my bank account and I) countered with 2 and he laughed again and said “ok, 2 months”…he’s hilarious, what a wonderful way to end my time here.
After dark chocolate pancakes (yes, Tracey, again ;)) for breakfast, I went to chanting class, and then home to start packing, went out to do errands and ended up having dinner, following a friend to the nearby astrologer to request a natal chart (astrology is different in India, serious stuff) and then back to my good friend Karla’s for smoothies for dessert…nothing planned really, no expectations except to enjoy the short time I have left, no drama, just moments of happiness with new friends and feeling a deep sense of gratitude for the winding path that brought me here (and will hopefully bring me back).
In the end, whatever path you set out on, expect nothing except to be human, there will be obstacles along the way, you WILL fall, but the key is to rise agin, to treat others as you’d want to be treated, to be impeccable with your word and try to end things as strongly as you began them.
Accept that 😉
Ever grateful (and loved, thanks to my 2 brothers who said they missed me today, I love you both so much)