Have faith…then leap

1 December, 2011

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.  And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes insearch of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”     Paulo Coelho, “The Alchemist”

So goes my favourite line of one of my favourite books, and now I go even further in discovering myself and my Personal Legend – Ashtanga, India, teaching, writing, taking more responsibility for the adult I’d like to think I’m becoming.

I haven’t written in a while, hiding from my most honest way of expressing myself – no excuses, just write more

I will

i’m back

28 August, 2011

…not that I really went anywhere, but for a while I just couldn’t, or maybe didn’t want to write….hopefully I’m back for good

here’s a mix track to soothe you like Savasana, and here’s hoping you had a wonderful weekend and will have a great week – for the Ashtangis out there, new moon passes, back on the mat tomorrow

Deep  Sleep

 

she who weaves words

 

 

So…now what?

8 April, 2011

I taught a private this morning, the first with a new client.  It was great, the client left happy, sweaty and peaceful, and then I got to make myself a cup of mint tea with a little agave and enjoy some sliced pawpaw (that’s ‘papaya’ for anyone who’s thinking “what’s paw-paw?”).  “Wonderful”, I think “Can life get any better?”

Things I have learnt

2 April, 2011

Yesterday was my last day at work.  Actually, that’s true and not so true.  I still have to live, put food in my mouth and pay my bills, however the notion of ‘work’ now changes for me; I gratefully bid the corporate life of Jamaica goodbye (I can admit I do not have the gravitas for it) and now shift into a new perspective of what “work” means: Kahlil Gibran says it best, and I have learnt “when you can’t say it better than someone else, let them say it.”   In “The Prophet” , he makes it pretty clear what’s important:

Work is love made visible.
And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.

He’s right.  This is your life.  Make it (and everything in it) about what you love, if you can for as long as you can.  This isn’t a judgement on anyone.  It took me a long time and lots of pain and frustration to get here, and I’ve only literally just begun, who knows where I’ll be in 5 years.  Most days, I can’t think past July.  But I have no choice now, I must do this thing I love and love the things I do.  For me, there simply is no other way.

It might be easier for me to say than for others.  I’m single with no children nor do I have any significant financial obligations.  I know I’m a little different from many of my contemporaries, and I learnt that that was OK.  I make my path and though it might seem like I’m practically Peter Pan, “why won’t she stop living in a dream world and  grow UP already?”, it’s not.  I used to think that way, that I had to bargain between doing the “right thing” and the “thing I love”.  Now I know better.  I have to work hard at my passion, the dream doesn’t unfold because you want it to.  Add that to my list of things to learn.

We are all different, and I could not have done this alone.  I have around me some of the most brilliant, interesting and compassionate people I can call real family and friends.  People who will tell you want you DON’T wish to, but need to hear and they don’t always say it nicely.  People who will hold you when you need to cry.  People who genuinely celebrate  your tiniest victory.  Yeah, them.  I learnt that being a good friend isn’t just about being there for someone else, it’s about reaching out to those who really love you and sharing your life and your dreams with them.

I’m a good teacher.  I love Ashtanga, and I love the practice of yoga in all its forms, and I’m excited to be able to delve as deeply in it as I can.  There’s a lot I have planned for the year to come, for me, for Jamaica, the Caribbean, it’s all yumminess.  Asana, philosophy, teaching, travelling, writing, style, all kinds of  fun little things.   I have learnt to have faith and confidence in this road, and to see it through.

Finally, I know not to take myself TOO seriously, and not to ascribe my identity to my performance.  Whether I soar to the heavens and beyond like Jonathan Livingston Seagull or crash to the sea below like the maybe-a-mite-too-ambitious Icarus, I am more than the sum total of my acts and no matter what anyone else says, I refuse to limit or judge myself as such.  Do yourselves a favour, everyone, know that you are more than what you do, how much money you have, what you look like, or who you are to other people. I’m serious here, don’t just think it, KNOW it.    Though we often define ourselves as parts of a whole, or as functions of others, we are first and foremost individuals.   Whatever we call ‘identity’ must at least begin there.  I had to learn that too, and if you really think about it, it takes me right back to the beginning (of this post, of my life, this journey).

Yeah.  So that’s it.  For now, look up and look forward, that’s where you’ll see me 😉

Stay Blessed!

swww




so much…

27 March, 2011

to say to you all, and I finally found the words, or at least some of them:

  • I wasn’t very good at my day job, and I didn’t have the deep feeling in my gut that made me want to LOVE it or make it better – and I won’t say that that’s easy to say out loud
  • I’m leaving my day job – and I won’t say I’m not scared
  • I’m moving on to teach yoga full-time – and I won’t say I’m not thrilled and full of wonder at this new path laid out before me

Wish me blessings, luck, good fortune, “fairfarren” I’ll be sure now to blog more often and share what’s happening and how I evolve…transform…soar

 

 

"Look Up"

Always

3 January, 2011

I’ve been away. I haven’t written as I promised I would. I’ve been weak, lost confidence, not practised consistently.

But I’m back, renewed, more thoughtful, more willing to just be, without labels or judgements – with the new year comes the chance for new beginnings. And most importantly, I remember that just like this blog, my practice is always waiting for me, with love, without condemnation…always

"believe"

swww

Something colourful

27 November, 2010

I found this little colourful image I had made with Paint aeons ago, it just made me smile and think of how yoga touches every little part of your life, the very least of it is what you experience on your mat in practice. How does yoga touch your life?

Review’s up tomorrow!

more anon

swww

So…

26 November, 2010

yay…something VERY cool, you can now SCAN this blog’s very own nifty-handy-dandy BARCODE into your Crack…er, BLACKBERRY phone and visit me all the time….

Wonderful!!!…

But then that means I have to write things that would attract you, right? Pen arguments that grab your attention, yes? Ok, I promise, I know I’ve been shaky over the past weeks, but I’m here for you now, it’s the very least I can do.

As I said at the beginning of this blog, one of the main reasons for its existence is to document how people go about creating sustainable life in Jamaica, everything from entrepreneurship to waste treatment…yup, the WHOLE gamut. So…

So…I’m getting right to it, beginning with a review of products and services offered here in Jamaica to support our local industries…no, there’s not really wrong with importing, but when it vastly outstrips what sweet, sweet Jamaica can produce for local and international consumption, then “Kingston…we have a problem”

So look out for it, as we swing into the merry season, I may even come up with sustainable and affordable Christmas gift ideas…cool, no?

ok, much love, I’m off to the land of Nod

SWWW

you are forgiven

6 November, 2010

let the past go now..

open heart and eyes, begin

to breathe, stretch and feel

when your own sweat isn't enough

Inertia

6 November, 2010

I need to write. I need to say something. Anything…

I cannot remember the last time I did my full practice. I miss it and need it and yet I struggle to get out of bed most mornings. is this depression, or inertia?

 

I’m not living the life I want. I want to travel, and write, and cook, and sail and practise and teach yoga and talk about sustainable life in all its forms, yet I feel stuck, like I’m doing what I’m supposed to do for my gender and age and to fit in among my contemporaries…is this cowardice or inertia?

 

I have a hard time feeling like i belong. I love my country, but feel i stand on the outside of my people, I’m different and I don’t mind being so, but I mind this isolated feeling…tell me this will pass soon

 

I thirst for a partner, a companion, a man who will stand WITH me, honour me and love all OF me…do my dreams stand too tall?

 

I search for an expression of my spirituality. Converted Catholic. loves her rosary. sees Christ’s love in ALL things. struggles with the Catholic church. Straight ally. Buddhist tendencies. Yoga devotee. knows that interfaith understanding is the only way…say that we can create this reality

 

My hip is tight, my knee injured and my ankle is sore…I long for the days of lotus without pain and standing up from a backbend through the fear – but I have to get back on the mat, don’t I? what am i afraid of – is it success or failure?

 

I believe in awareness and activism and the ideas swirl in my head. Sustainable approaches to health, agriculture and entrepreneurship. Community. Environment. Social Policy. National and regional unity and integration….how do I deliver on my dreams?

 

This is an open letter. I am private, but I need help, this Libran swings too wildly on her scales, I need balance

 

I want to let go of fearing loss, so that I do NOT lose

 

 

help, please

swww